Unsubscribe Hero Gifts

"Another company thinks I might like to keep receiving their emails!"

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"He was a very good boy."

A Bloody Butcher

"The good news is the company said I could work from home. The bad news is they made me take all my paperwork with me."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

"The Equal Opportunity people say I can't call you my sidekick any more. You're now my personal assistant."

"FISH ON"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

Tired of long hours and lousy pay, Bob begins a work-to-rule campaign.

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

Unsubscribe-A-Mole

'I started out as one of the good guys but I hated it.'

My favorite hero? Amelia Earhart. Is she like Catwoman? Amelia Earhart was a real person. Not like your Bat-Dans and Captain Lanterns. A real hero doesn't complain when a mischievous young lass siphons off gas from her plane. He's called Batma – What? A real hero silently pats that lass on the head, climbs into her plane … and takes off into the wild blue yonder … without even a single mention of how that young lass may have also stolen her compass. I'm also a fan of the brave Max Pruss, who onc

Spring, 1998: The world of sports is paralyzed by an equipment managers' strike.

"They say registering online should take ten minutes to two days, depending on my computer skills."

'That's the problem with being homeschooled...On a snow day, I'm stuck IN class.'

Catwoman // Cat Lady

Worm eats the fish.

"Baldo, you deserve this raise. But please don't tell anybody what I'm paying you."

"... And you're absolutely certain that this isn't a mirage?"

The good news is, I'm going to let you work from home. The bad news is, I'm moving in with you.

"Honey, you're home."

How to Leave Website Comments

'I race around town and rescue people who lock their keys in the car!'

The Jew and Morris both begin to understand each other

Beer Keg Babies

"Whats this? An attempt to rein in unfettered capitalism? That's an assault on the American Way if I've ever heard one!"

"Very good, Gary: 'A hero is a celebrity who did something real.'"

"Honey! Come quick and bring containers. The zucchini are running wild."

"What a place! - Even the wings are plastic. . ."

'George is Jessica Ennis' biggest fan.'

"He downed a hole in one on the 17th, then proceeded to down a further 10 in the 19th hole. . . so where do you want him?!"

"Don't worry. In the movies the good guy might always in, but this is real life."