Unscheduled Worshipper Gifts

"I AM committed to church. I go sometimes, once in a while, and every now and then."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Worshiping the TV.

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

Surgeons high-five spectators as they enter emergency room.

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

Sermon about 20 minutes

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

The Alter of Football

'Please make it rain on the garden but not the lawn.'

While watching Mass at home during the pandemic, dad gets the bright idea of taking up a collection.

'No, no, lets steal this one. It has a lifetime warranty.'

I stick with the celebrity instructors. If I heard of them, I sign up with them.

"I hope Jesus returns as a football player, so you will spend time with Him on Sundays!"

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"Let us select the fire folder, double-click the brimstone icon, and begin."