Unscheduled Worshipper Gifts

"I AM committed to church. I go sometimes, once in a while, and every now and then."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Fitness in church.

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Worshiping the TV.

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

Sermon about 20 minutes

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

The Alter of Football

'Please make it rain on the garden but not the lawn.'

'No, no, lets steal this one. It has a lifetime warranty.'

I stick with the celebrity instructors. If I heard of them, I sign up with them.

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

"I hope Jesus returns as a football player, so you will spend time with Him on Sundays!"

"Let us select the fire folder, double-click the brimstone icon, and begin."

'Hey, why don't You make the Sabbath on Saturday, and then on Sundays we can play golf!'