University Chancellor Gifts

"The University has to stop regarding students as empty vessels desperate to be filled with the fruits of human learning... and more as potential profit centres."

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Make a lot of money."

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

U of Debt

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

National Academy of Sport

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

Bearded Leftie.

'You have failed on all counts...'

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."