Unique Dining T-Shirts

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Roadkill Restaurant

"You'll like this place. The food is eclectic without being schizophrenic."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

La Table

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Dog Dressed to Eat

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I come here for the pepper."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the MSG local?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'