Unique Benefit Collector Gifts

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Servicemen.

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

A Rifle Competition in the North

'This is your lucky day!'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'll take ten, please.'

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

Count Von Moltke.

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

'I've discovered that the rings around Saturn are composed of lost keys, socks and grocery lists.'

'What do you mean you lost the keys?'

Sergeant Stripes

'Is this what you're looking for?'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

'What do you mean you've misplace the keys?'

'Well, sweetie, you got a prize, Why it's a cholesterol decoder ring!'

I'm no longer welcome at the county fair.

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Work clothes.

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

"I didn't exactly win it."

Sports Memorabilia. It's not an autograph. It's a drawing scribbled by Mickey Mantle. A Yankee doodle!

The Mosskeytoe.

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

Whitney Houston

'I can't find my key.'

'Darling you left the key in the car again!'