Membership Collector Gifts

"It costs how much to join?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Too much club."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Orthopaedist

Woman is surrounding by penguins and can't reach her camera

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"I wonder what this was for."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'How old is this vase?'

An angry Driver stuck behind the 8 Ball.

Antique Selfie

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Billy, no! Midterms are tomorrow!'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'