Gym Membership Collector Gifts

'Me too. I've lost 25 pounds. Sadly not in weight, just in wasted, unused membership fee!'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

"We're exclusively delts."

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

Exercise now!

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Exercise Bars

No caption. (A mother runs on a treadmill with a baby carriage on the treadmill next to her).

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

Gym. You lost a pound this week? It's only because I always leave here too tired to go looking for it!

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Battery lifting weights

'My cellulite is getting stronger.'

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"Too much club."

Walking To School Simulator

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Ring for Service.

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Seriously, your body is incredible; mine is so disgusting!"

"Exercise is a great way of losing weight."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

Exercising your heart.

Heart shaped man exercising with weights.

'We're in luck. Not a word about steroids.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

'That's our group plan.'

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

"First, I'd like to know what arrangements your company has for flexitime!"

1. Wealthy people will consider hiring others to do their exercise for them. They should not give in to this temptation, as studies have shown that this seriously slows down any truly serious body-building campaign. 2. The key word in isometrics is balance. Be sure every part of your body shares in the fun equally and you will be able to avoid awkward developments.