Check Collector Gifts

'I feel insulted whenever I receive a royalties check for the bloopers reruns.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Medicare check in the mail:23,400 bad addesses

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Second hand furniture.

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

clock shopkeeper says timing is everything

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Olga's Biological Clocks.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

Time Table

'It's come to my attention that you're becoming a bit of a clock watcher.'

"You're late."

"Please feel free to browse."

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

Outstanding Time Management

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Cinzia Baffi's Time-And-Temp Chair