Subscription Collector Gifts

Our bank account is now behind a paywall...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

The Working Woman's Magazine

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Jazz is Invented

"Nuts to you, too."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Six jazz instruments.

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Waiting Room Quarterly

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Unusual Offers

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Alien Beauty Magazine

Prayboy

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'You shouldn't have.'

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

"Too much club."

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

The Boss.

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

On the cover of Sports Illustrated - Envy

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Kate knew she should be focused on developing her industry knowledge, but she was faced with a critical dilemma.

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."