Subscriptions Gifts

'There goes Methuselah again, cackling about all his lifetime subscriptions.'

Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

"Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription to the Punch-of-the-Month basket."

Basic protection is only $2 a month, but there are lots of perks at the $5 level. Patreon Saint.

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"I subscribed to a collector's magazine! It has great interviews with big-time collectors who buy the world's rarest treasures."

'Stop whining about commitment! I only asked you to go in on a magazine subscription.'

Soup of the month.

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

Wine of the Day Club

'He's determined to not pay for The Times online.'

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

Maybe I should subscribe to the newspaper again.

Time-of-the-month club.

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

"I'd like to buy your subscription list to check for changes of address."

"Now paid subscribers will have access to as much free content as non-subscribers."

"When did Charlie switch to a subscription model?" "Sniff my butt"

Club of the Month

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

"Those cat nap boxes just appear on their porch every week—it's like magic!"

Our bank account is now behind a paywall...

"I'm sure it was just an oversight, sir, but your subscription to 'Time' has lapsed."

"You know very well what subscription forms."

'I subscribe to HBO, Netflix & Hulu. . . but I am dropping you.'

Q & A's How to unsubscribe.

"I love boutique healthcare! I have a great doctor on retainer and I get this great subscription box every month!"

Larry hits a paywall while reading an eye exam chart.

'You're spoiling that squirrel, subscribing to the Nut - of - the - Month Club!'