Subscription Renewal Gifts

"Those cat nap boxes just appear on their porch every week—it's like magic!"

Soup of the month.

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Wine of the Day Club

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

'Honey, it's your worms of the month delivery!'

Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

Houdini 2019

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"I subscribed to a collector's magazine! It has great interviews with big-time collectors who buy the world's rarest treasures."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'Try not to smile, sir. Imagine you're looking for a parking space.'

"I'd like to buy your subscription list to check for changes of address."

'I feel a lot better! I hacked into your computer and reduced my insurance co-pay.'

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

'If you wish to retain my rock star client's talents you're going to need to pay a rock star price.'

Our bank account is now behind a paywall...

"Good news, Turner, We've chewed you up but have decided not to spit you out."

"I'm sure it was just an oversight, sir, but your subscription to 'Time' has lapsed."

"So now, you have to become a subscription service."

Eyeglasses prescription.

'Stop whining about commitment! I only asked you to go in on a magazine subscription.'

'You're spoiling that squirrel, subscribing to the Nut - of - the - Month Club!'

"It's not exactly shopping. Many companies have my profile, the send me stuff they now I'll like, and they bill me for it."

'We are increasing you're rates.'

"Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription to the Punch-of-the-Month basket."

"How much will the insurance pay out if one of us breaks his leg?"

'It's not a revenue problem, it's a spending problem.' - 'If it makes you that mad cancel your subscription to Netflix.'

'There goes Methuselah again, cackling about all his lifetime subscriptions.'