Health Insurance Renewal Gifts

"How much will the insurance pay out if one of us breaks his leg?"

'Well, well, well...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

Medicare: More is Better!

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

"Wow. Suddenly I've got fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose, headaches and body aches, chills, and fatigue."

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'Triglycerides? Let's just say when your cholesterol,HDL and LDL are partying it up, he's the guy you want to gate crash!'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

'I feel a lot better! I hacked into your computer and reduced my insurance co-pay.'

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

'Try not to smile, sir. Imagine you're looking for a parking space.'

'If you wish to retain my rock star client's talents you're going to need to pay a rock star price.'

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

"Good news, Turner, We've chewed you up but have decided not to spit you out."

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

Seatbelt Use

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

"Those cat nap boxes just appear on their porch every week—it's like magic!"

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

'All this cutting edge diagnostic imaging equipment and we still can't see through all of these new ACA requirements!'

'We're introducing a LARGE new dental plan.'