New Health Insurance Plan Gifts

"Williams, you're now eligible for the company dental plan. It's a proactive one-time total extraction event..."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'You'll never live to regret it!'

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"Yes, we have managed care. We manage not to care."

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

"We are able to extend your life for another two weeks, but you must eat wisely and get plenty of exercise."

"I scheduled you for a workshop on insurance forms followed by a workshop on stress."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

Cartoon about the high cost of health insurance.

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

"Alrighty, let's work out that copay."

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

"And, as a new employee, you are immediately entitled to participate in the company's proactive health plan."