New Health Insurance Plan Pillows

"Williams, you're now eligible for the company dental plan. It's a proactive one-time total extraction event..."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Medicare: More is Better!

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'You'll never live to regret it!'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

"Yes, we have managed care. We manage not to care."

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"We are able to extend your life for another two weeks, but you must eat wisely and get plenty of exercise."

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

"I scheduled you for a workshop on insurance forms followed by a workshop on stress."

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

"Alrighty, let's work out that copay."

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

Cartoon about the high cost of health insurance.