Company Renewal Enthusiast Gifts

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

The MBA Draft

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"I remember that game of Spin-the-Bottle like it was yesterday. It was love at firstspin."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"I always cry at mergers."

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'It's not just a job. It's about being part of something bigger than yourself.'

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Directors Meetings - Please do not disturb.

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

"So that is unanimous then - nobody has a clue what to do."

"Graphs are like EKGs, they show the health of a company."

Developing links within business.

'I'm miserable... but only for competitive purposes.'

"Will you still love me when I'm old and past it?"

Romney: 'Corporations are people! We just pay a lot less taxes than you!'

"Now that's power."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

Commercial space travel is expensive.

Old year sits by 'Out' box, and new year sits by 'In' box in office.

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"I'm regretting that I offered him free lunch instead of an increased salary!"

Positional authority

'So how motivated are you feeling now.'

"We couldn't hire the cybersecurity candidate you sent us, he was saying too many scary things about our computers."