Marriage Renewal Gifts

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"I remember that game of Spin-the-Bottle like it was yesterday. It was love at firstspin."

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'Now that's Real TV!'

'Being in love with you makes me feel young again, Doris. Will you wait while I go play on the swings?'

"And this is Helen, my wife by a previous marriage."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

Aging Problems

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

"You mounted the mirror upside down, Harold!"

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Wedding selfie stick

"Honey! We're home!"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"I really think Diana is going to be my watershed wife."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"