Marriage Renewal Gifts

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"Yes, it's nice my husband has hoarded a fortune, but it would be nicer if he would let me spend some of it though..."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"I remember that game of Spin-the-Bottle like it was yesterday. It was love at firstspin."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'Now that's Real TV!'

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

Aging Problems

'Being in love with you makes me feel young again, Doris. Will you wait while I go play on the swings?'

"And this is Helen, my wife by a previous marriage."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

"Honey! We're home!"

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"You mounted the mirror upside down, Harold!"

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Wedding selfie stick

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

"I really think Diana is going to be my watershed wife."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'