Marital Rejuvenation Gifts

Agatha tried desperately to spice up her marriage. 'And where, ma'am, would you like that tattoo?'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"Remember? I was sitting right up there when you came by and said 'Hi, beautiful!'"

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

"I love what you've done with him."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

It was worth a try, but I'm afraid the thrill is still gone, Harold.

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

Woman does a strip tease on a remote control.

"I may not be in for a while, Eddie. My wife and I have decided to normalize relations."

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"She always gets the upper bunk."

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

"Please, Dianna, at least give me a chance to rebrand myself."

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

'We need to twerk.'

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."