Mail Collector Gifts

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Nuts to you, too."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

I wouldn't mind so much, but it's all junk mail.

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"I'm away from my desk right now..."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

The birth of junk mail.

Seinfeld: The Early Years.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

"I wonder what this was for."

'Here's the junk mail.'

"You get one every time you order something online."

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'How old is this vase?'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

Captain Pointy No.21 - Hate mail

You're supposed to come out. Cat-in-a-Box!

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"Careful, kiddo. A lot a junk mail looks first class."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."