Unique Benefit Collector T-Shirts

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Servicemen.

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

A Rifle Competition in the North

'This is your lucky day!'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'll take ten, please.'

'I've got my wallet here in the left inside pocket. Now I got a bonus and bought a bigger wallet which needs more space. Would you please remove my heart?'

Count Von Moltke.

'What do you mean you lost the keys?'

Sergeant Stripes

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

'What do you mean you've misplace the keys?'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

'Well, sweetie, you got a prize, Why it's a cholesterol decoder ring!'

'Is this what you're looking for?'

'I've discovered that the rings around Saturn are composed of lost keys, socks and grocery lists.'

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Work clothes.

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

The Mosskeytoe.

"I didn't exactly win it."

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

'I can't find my key.'

'Darling you left the key in the car again!'

'Believe me, nobody ever confuses their wine glass with mine.'