Unintentional Comic Gifts

Have you ever tried speed-dating? Only unintentionally.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

The circus diver.

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

' I think I'm evolving due to global warming.'

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

'Constant euphoria is bound to cause some issues.'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'Buddy, I'll get stinking rich... yesterday, I took out an insurance against pneumonia!'

'You wish, Timmy.'

'One thing you can say about Joe, he knows when to stop!'

'He's our Spam expert!'

'Holy shit!'

"Now what did I do?"

"We're insectivores. Spiders are arachnids. We don't eat them, and that's that."

Two hunters and a near miss

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Starbucks closing 600 stores with 12,000 job cuts.

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

"I'm brambling. It's like rambling but much more dangerous."

Man wearing 'Save the planet t shirt' uses non-environmentally friendly carrier bags,

Rise and shine

The best place for a dartboard is not beside an open window.

"I'm still an atheist."

'Your tonsils don't look good, but that's okay. Who's going to be looking at them?'

'It was a little muffled, but it sounded like, ‘Back off, moron, she's taken.'