Unexpected Joker Gifts

'This wine speaks for itself.' 'Howdy!'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

'Your teacher doesn't mind a little clowning around in class, Eddie, but she thinks you overdo it.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"See how it feels"

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'I'm surprised the boss isn't in here checking up on us!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

Adult Absence Notes.

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

The Cartoonists

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

"It's called 'White with a hint of Magnolia"

'Nuff said.

'Do you think they'll feed us something special for Christmas dinner?'

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

Baggage Reclaim

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

"It is the complete works of shakespeare alright but the pig's claiming he wrote them."

'I've never felt so alive...'

Can You Dance?