Joker Extraordinaire Gifts

Clown Roulette

'Your teacher doesn't mind a little clowning around in class, Eddie, but she thinks you overdo it.'

'Pull my finger!'

Chicken Crossing.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"See how it feels"

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Counsel for the prosecution makes its closing argument in mime court.

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Hiker's right of way.

The Little Top.

"It is the complete works of shakespeare alright but the pig's claiming he wrote them."

'I've never felt so alive...'

"Well, did it work?"

'This wine speaks for itself.' 'Howdy!'

Clown silencers.

Turkey tries to hitchhike into 'January'.

Ideas before their time Telegraph office. You're wasting way too much time using that thing to forward jokes.

'The CEO had inexplicably been given the wrong date for Dress-down Friday.'

The art of Eddy Cucumba: fly and soup cup.

"Any other strengths?"

"April Fool's on her!"

"Oh, quit whining, Dave, and shake it off. Pain is just weakness leaving the body!"

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

'What I really wanted was to get drunk on power.'

'I see by your resume that you are my son. If this checks out, the job is yours.'

"Three guesses."

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

Well, you know what they say? Aspire to inspire before you expire.

'Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?'