Jokester Extraordinaire Gifts

"That new kid came up to me today. He said 'hi,' but I couldn't remember his name."

"I was going to stay home and watch TV, but I decided it'd be more fun to bring my mysterious rash for share and tell."

'The CEO had inexplicably been given the wrong date for Dress-down Friday.'

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Your teacher doesn't mind a little clowning around in class, Eddie, but she thinks you overdo it.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

Gallery Pranks

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kick me

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Would you mind filling this with confetti?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

Egyptology Books form Pyramid

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."