Unexpected Hardship Humorist Gifts

'My life was shipshape until that iceberg came along.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

Bathing and Showering.

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

'Excuse me, sir, I know you didn't get your bonus, your house is mortgaged to the hilt, you have two kids in college, your employer is facing bankruptcy and . . .'

'Can you dance?'

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'Personally, I thin the downsizing went too far.'

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

'Can‘t you knock before coming in? I could have been doing God knows what...'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

Shoveling Snow

Can You Dance?

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'