Stress-relief Humorist Gifts

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

Psychobabble.

Fakir Shrink.

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

Foot Massage

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

Shrink's Summer Job

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

Safe harbour

'Has the news finished yet?'

Are you getting enough "me" time, Al? Oh, more than enough, Doctor

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

'Your case is extremely interesting...and I would like to get it produced...it will be a comedy.'

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'