Stress Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

Some scents are nonsense.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'You need some stress.'

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Struggling chef.

'I'm a mongoose. I fight and kill cobras, and you ask me why I'm stressed?'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

'I always thought wine came from half-empty bottles left in the park.'

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

Take The Guesswork Out Of Your Diagnoses!

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

Danger

'...And on weekends, he worries about what he forgot to worry about during the week.'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'

Errands: the Magazine for the Errands Life Style

Hotline.

"I notice you're reaching the traditional coronary age."