Stress Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

Some scents are nonsense.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'You need some stress.'

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

'I'm a mongoose. I fight and kill cobras, and you ask me why I'm stressed?'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Struggling chef.

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'I always thought wine came from half-empty bottles left in the park.'

Take The Guesswork Out Of Your Diagnoses!

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'

Danger

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

'...And on weekends, he worries about what he forgot to worry about during the week.'

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

Errands: the Magazine for the Errands Life Style

"I notice you're reaching the traditional coronary age."