Stress Humorist Gifts

Errands: the Magazine for the Errands Life Style

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Hotline.

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

Cash machine having a nervous breakdown

"Post traumatic stress disorder."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Fill me in so I can panic too."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

Safe harbour

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'Has the news finished yet?'

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

Struggling chef.

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

Pre-minstrel Tension.

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

'I see you're aware of the problem with the phones.'

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'