Stress Humorist Pillows

Errands: the Magazine for the Errands Life Style

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Hotline.

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

Cash machine having a nervous breakdown

"Post traumatic stress disorder."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Fill me in so I can panic too."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

Safe harbour

'Has the news finished yet?'

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

Struggling chef.

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

Pre-minstrel Tension.

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

'I see you're aware of the problem with the phones.'

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

How to spot the early signs of Book Fair meeting meltdown.