Stress Humor Fan Pillows

'Oh! I guess I am finding things a bit of a strain at the moment.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'You need some stress.'

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

Contractor Ants

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

'I'm a mongoose. I fight and kill cobras, and you ask me why I'm stressed?'

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'I can see the sea!'

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

"We're downsizing again. Luckily for you, you're safe. Luckily for me, you can do what Johnson and Simmons used to do!"

'Before I could tell him about the new puppy, the boss gave me a raise in my clothing allowance.'

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

Danger

'You seem much better since they upped my medication.'

'...And on weekends, he worries about what he forgot to worry about during the week.'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'

Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

Errands: the Magazine for the Errands Life Style

"Dang - I can't go when someone's watching."

Hotline.