Stress-coping Comedian Gifts

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

How will this impact me?

In case of fake news about a phony emergency ring false alarm.

"I always put things off until the last minute."

"That's a relief - I thought you said crisis meeting..."

Jetsgo out of business.

'Has the news finished yet?'

2020 Panic Room

"Listen up - today is the first day in the rest of the coronavirus crisis!"

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

Bear Market.

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'