Comedian Under Stress Gifts

'I see you're aware of the problem with the phones.'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'Sunday in the park'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass and take a BIG SWIG!

'Has the news finished yet?'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

Struggling chef.

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

"Great, you finally complied with our clean desk policy! So what all were you able to get done today?!"

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

I hope that's not a prescription for another placebo, Dr. Kapuchnik. Frankly, Al, you've proven that you can't handle a placebo. This is a prescription for a fake placebo.

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'We're both dog-tired.'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

Errands: the Magazine for the Errands Life Style

Hotline.

"Leave that bit."

Yeah, Fred's a real credit to the human race. He owes everyone.

How to spot the early signs of Book Fair meeting meltdown.

Cash machine having a nervous breakdown

"Post traumatic stress disorder."

Audited by the IRS.

'I'm not obsessive compulsive. I just do some things obsessives do, and other things compulsives do.'

Oil Pressure.