Anxiety Comedian Gifts

'Has the news finished yet?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Agoraphobic Explorer

Safe harbour

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

Room 101 Tax Inspection

Pre-minstrel Tension.

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

I hope that's not a prescription for another placebo, Dr. Kapuchnik. Frankly, Al, you've proven that you can't handle a placebo. This is a prescription for a fake placebo.

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

Maximum Insecurity Prison

Danger