Anxiety Humor Gifts

Maximum Insecurity Prison

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

Agoraphobic Explorer

'Has the news finished yet?'

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

Safe harbour

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Room 101 Tax Inspection

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

Pre-minstrel Tension.

'You were afraid for the drill?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles - we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts!'

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

Bubbie's parrot

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

Danger

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."