Anxiety Humor Fan Gifts

"Dang - I can't go when someone's watching."

Long hair on the face and on the head phobia.

Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink

Eggoraphobia (Agoraphobia)

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"I'll have coffee and he'll have decaff."

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

Agoraphobic Explorer

Safe harbour

"A mouse! A mouse!"

'Has the news finished yet?'

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'

Room 101 Tax Inspection

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

Pre-minstrel Tension.

'I'm shaking a bit!'

'Hey, it's all right - we're ALL afraid of vacuum cleaners.'

Bubbie's parrot

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'