Humor In Anxiety Gifts

Agoraphobic Explorer

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

Safe harbour

'Has the news finished yet?'

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

Room 101 Tax Inspection

'Oh, great! Now I'm depressed too!'

Pre-minstrel Tension.

Bubbie's parrot

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'Quick! Contact my doctor.'

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'I hear voices doctor, and sometimes I smell their breath!'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

"I've no idea where they are - maybe they're all ill."

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

Maximum Insecurity Prison