Anxiety Comedian Pillows

'Has the news finished yet?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Agoraphobic Explorer

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

Safe harbour

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

Room 101 Tax Inspection

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

Pre-minstrel Tension.

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"One last request: move my car to the 11:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. Monday -Thursday side of the street for tomorrow."

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

Danger

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

Maximum Insecurity Prison

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'