Anxiety Humorist Pillows

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

Heart palpitations. What? I've got sweaty palms, weak knees, aches, dizzy, warm brow

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

First he felt pride, then confusion, then the terrible doubts began to seep in,,, had he forgotten, once again, to tell Darryl they were going to play hide and seek

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Superhero with Acrophobia

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

Fakir Shrink.

Psychobabble.

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Shrink's Summer Job