Anxiety Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Danger

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Some scents are nonsense.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

Agoraphobic Explorer

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'Has the news finished yet?'

Safe harbour

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

"A mouse! A mouse!"

"Did we turn off the stove?"

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

Room 101 Tax Inspection

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'Hey, it's all right - we're ALL afraid of vacuum cleaners.'

Pre-minstrel Tension.

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

Bubbie's parrot

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

Take The Guesswork Out Of Your Diagnoses!

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

'So you get jumpy when anyone speaks to you!'