Anxiety Humor Lover Pillows

"Timing is everything. The moment they relax and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, I let 'em have it!"

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Some scents are nonsense.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Food chain.

Agoraphobic Explorer

Safe harbour

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

'Has the news finished yet?'

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

'He has a doctorate in worrying.'

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Room 101 Tax Inspection

"You're not the first patient I've had who thinks he's a dog, Mr Buxton, so please, get up on the couch."

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

Pre-minstrel Tension.

'I'm shaking a bit!'

'You were afraid for the drill?'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

People go out of their way to hurt me phobia: 'Believe me, Carpenter, when I fired you I didn't have the faintest idea it was your birthday.'

Bubbie's parrot

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

Take The Guesswork Out Of Your Diagnoses!

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

Maximum Insecurity Prison

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."