Unexpected Explorer T-Shirts

'How am I doing?'

'So do you have any travel plans fah the holidays, Eddie?'

'Regardless, our trip to the Upper Amazon was fine. You know David--everything has to be perfect.'

"This is not Easter Island. My boat sank before getting there."

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

'Oh man, we are so lost...!'

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Desert Island Statue of Liberty.

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

'You brought my slippers?... What kind of rescue dog are you?!'

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Bird Bath.

Amateur Palmist

"That's not the stick, it's a blood-stained satchel full of money... but hey, good boy!"

'J.B. Potts, Head of Research, Aerodynamics...'

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"The thing of it is I don't even fish!"

"I have eight spirits coming through."

"Not much is known about them. They apparently, had a highly advanced, thriving civilization. Then one August, everyone left the city and never returned."

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

Scarecrow Directions

Myths and Other Urban Legends

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

A man squashed by a giant leaf

"Didn't I tell you to buy a GPS?"

I went to Earth and made crop circles, but all I got was this lousy T-shirt.