Unexpected Explorer T-Shirts

'How am I doing?'

'So do you have any travel plans fah the holidays, Eddie?'

'Regardless, our trip to the Upper Amazon was fine. You know David--everything has to be perfect.'

'Our SatNav says it's a scenic roundabout.'

"This is not Easter Island. My boat sank before getting there."

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

'Oh man, we are so lost...!'

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Desert Island Statue of Liberty.

'You brought my slippers?... What kind of rescue dog are you?!'

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Bird Bath.

Amateur Palmist

"That's not the stick, it's a blood-stained satchel full of money... but hey, good boy!"

'J.B. Potts, Head of Research, Aerodynamics...'

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Myths and Other Urban Legends

"Scientists believe the mysterious asteroid, known as 'Oumaumau', may be a space probe, a discarded solar sail or a huge alien turd."

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"The thing of it is I don't even fish!"

"Not much is known about them. They apparently, had a highly advanced, thriving civilization. Then one August, everyone left the city and never returned."

"I have eight spirits coming through."

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

Scarecrow Directions

"I knew it was unnatural to jump that high out of water."