Undertakers Gifts

Enter Exit - Circle of Life.

"Time to knock off for lunch?"

Christmas Sale Special

Egyptian mummy purchasing lip embalm.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Young Doctor, Young Nurse, Young Undertaker

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

'The penguin is upset...'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Shake it like a Polaroid picture...

'At least they did a good job on him.'

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

Of course the teasts are complete nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them must be highly motivated...

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

Undertaker's Flower Box.

'Cut! More sobbing, people! From the top...'

'Are you kidding? Of course I take this woman - wouldn't you???'

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

Boy in court swearing oath on comic book

'I tend to bury stuff.'

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

Viking Funeral