Undertaker Gifts

'If you're on a budget, we can curl him up.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'It's our newest cremation model. Tank sold separately.'

"I can help you guys form a union."

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

'I know you have a technical background, but here we call them caskets, not 'dropdown boxes.'

Funeral Directors: 'Morning Madam, why the long face?'

"He's in denial."

Gravestone: Jed T. Riggs - This wasn't my idea.

Hearse with sign 'Body On Board'.

'I just don't understand why our Buy One Get One Free offer on coffins isn't popular!'

He never could fit in.

'Quit beating around the bush and just tell me how bad it is, doc'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'You don't have to be sad to work here, but it helps!'

'These shipping crates are more in line with our budget.'

'What's this about you wanting a royalty for each client you bring to us?'

"I see dead people!"

Dinosaur Funeral Director

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

If You Can Read This I'm Not Buried Yet

'It needs to be wider.' 'Ah ha! The plot thickens.'

Funeral home - You can run, but you can't formaldehyde.

Bless this Hearse

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

Gravedigger

Funeral Director says: 'For future reference, never say to a customer 'Cheer up love, might never happen.''

Morticians

'He was a very claustrophobic person.'

'Yeah...but maybe there's such a thing as looking too natural.'

My Child is an Honor Roll Student At the Alax School of Embalming.

I realize we all grieve in our own way, ma'am, but the crematorium staff did not appreciate the fireworks you put in your late husbands pockets.

Undertaker's desk with In and Out tray coffins

'Take this letter to the undertaker, and I'll send a copy to your family doctor.'