Tech Upholder Gifts

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Mr. 'You can't be too over-weighted in tech stocks', meet Mr. 'You can't be too over-weighted in bio-tech'.'

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

John Bull presenting the building for the 1862 International Exhibition to Britannia

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

Beavers worshipping a chainsaw.

Man mistakes new ironclad warship for Noah's Ark

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'

Gamers

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

GPS Systems.

'This is my new carbon fibre shell: Ten times as strong, fifty times as light...'

'Turkey dot com.'

"We have a new app that does sin to atonement conversion."

'Don't get upset with a down market. Someone will come up with an app.'

'Sir, we're txting the enemy!'

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

Real High Tech, Inc: 'Under New Management. . . Under Newer Management.'

"What are you cooking for Thanksgiving, Tia Carmen?"

'Your last tech job offered generous options? So do we: Take it or leave it.'

'It's so much better since business became computerized -- it was so hard to blame things on typewriters.'

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

The before-you-know-it-I'll-be-obsolete computer co.

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

Jeff Bezos

STRIP Hambone: Living in the box the computer who replaced him came in

"Today we're learning how to simultaneously drive and talk on the cell phone!"

'You don't have to text to see if I'd like a cup of tea. I'm here just ask me.'

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

"I've managed to beat the taxman, I had a coffee in Starbucks, upgraded my Vodaphone and did some shopping on Amazon."