Principle Upholder Gifts

'...46 and still have Principles...'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

'I said 'Shall I put the cat out?''

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

Young Doctor, Young Nurse, Young Undertaker

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

'All we can do is remind the stockholders that money isn't everything.'

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

"Still, I think we can all take some pride in being one of the signature bankruptcies of our time."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'