Principle Ponderer Gifts

"Ah, but wait till he's reëlected! Then you'll see principles."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Needs to get a life"

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

G7 Summit Concern

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Roe v. Wade

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"I cross the road to forget."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Do Guns Kill?