Principles Defender Gifts

'I refused to sell out.'

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Science Snobs

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

I defend to the death your right to say things I agree with.

'No, I'm not wearing high heels. I look taller because the minimum wage will increase and now I can stand taller.'

"If you put it on the net someone might steal your idea."

"Before I say anything, I'd like to have my friend, who wants to be a lawyer when he grows up, present"

"Tech savvy? o. Is there any call for regular savvy?"

J.F. Bonner 1886 - 1974. Soldier, Statesman, Author, Philanthropist. Trivialized by the media 1986.

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

Support Our Apologists.

'It's a survival trick: I'm making sure the fur-traders have no interest in my hide...'

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

"Don't give me this stupid 'Renaissance' stuff! - The Middle Ages were good enough for my father and they're good enough for me!"

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

Spring House Cleaning: Sweeping Cuts

"Look, I've got nothing against globalization, just as long as it's not in my backyard."

'And after they figure out human rights, they'll start on ours.'

"Help! My ex-wife... she shot me! It's just a tranquilizer dart, but it's the principle of the thing."

"It's from the dog's lawyer. Seems his unconditional love has some conditions."

Call to ban American Bully XL

"I know, I know, he's like ... 'one of the family,' but I still find it unnerving..."

The Fighter

'Who's watching the watchers?'

State of Liberty is turned into a detention center.