School Defender Gifts

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

No Soliciting

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

"Some trees in New Hampshire hate being hugged."

Climate Change

The New Normal

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

"You see? I told you if we tied ourselves to this tree they wouldn't cut it down. Persistence is the name of the game. Persistence."

A Change of Scene.

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Science Snobs

'The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals.'

Cocoa. Make it a double. Sure, Myles. Coming up. Here ya go. Double today; everything okay? Oh yeah, sure. What's not okay about realizing 3rd grade means a whole bunch of homework and Sally Anne Peters wanting to talk about feelings? Tell me all this weirdness ends soon. Triple on the house.

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"We've got to fix the climate before we run out of trees to print money on."

Greenpeace protestor joining the birds.

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'Oh,oh, Regina has her lawyer with her.'

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'Who is to blame?'

"Man! I haven't slept at all since school started!"

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Urban Expansion

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

'Remember not to shirk the paperwork.'

Dive bombing hunters with eggs.

'If I keep bringing diseases home from school, maybe I shouldn't go to school.'

GMOs