School Defender Gifts

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

No Soliciting

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"Some trees in New Hampshire hate being hugged."

The New Normal

Climate Change

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

"You see? I told you if we tied ourselves to this tree they wouldn't cut it down. Persistence is the name of the game. Persistence."

A Change of Scene.

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Science Snobs

'The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals.'

"We've got to fix the climate before we run out of trees to print money on."

Greenpeace protestor joining the birds.

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'Oh,oh, Regina has her lawyer with her.'

Dog being carried off by ducks.

"Man! I haven't slept at all since school started!"

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

'How long did you try before calling?'

'Who is to blame?'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Urban Expansion

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

'Remember not to shirk the paperwork.'

'If I keep bringing diseases home from school, maybe I shouldn't go to school.'

Dive bombing hunters with eggs.

Adapting to global warming.

GMOs