Principles Defender T-Shirts

'I refused to sell out.'

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Science Snobs

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

Obama's New Police State

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

I defend to the death your right to say things I agree with.

'No, I'm not wearing high heels. I look taller because the minimum wage will increase and now I can stand taller.'

J.F. Bonner 1886 - 1974. Soldier, Statesman, Author, Philanthropist. Trivialized by the media 1986.

"Tech savvy? o. Is there any call for regular savvy?"

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

"If you put it on the net someone might steal your idea."

"Before I say anything, I'd like to have my friend, who wants to be a lawyer when he grows up, present"

Support Our Apologists.

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

'It's a survival trick: I'm making sure the fur-traders have no interest in my hide...'

'Get this straight, I'm a guard dog: I don't fetch the newspaper!'

'Good morning. I'm Mr Elton. Your teacher-security guard.'

"Don't give me this stupid 'Renaissance' stuff! - The Middle Ages were good enough for my father and they're good enough for me!"

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

Spring House Cleaning: Sweeping Cuts

Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You ok in there? I think I'm dying here. What? D'you need me to call 911? I don't think that'll help. I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city. Get off your phone!!! I'm saving the kingdom here! It's important!

"Look, I've got nothing against globalization, just as long as it's not in my backyard."

"Help! My ex-wife... she shot me! It's just a tranquilizer dart, but it's the principle of the thing."

'And after they figure out human rights, they'll start on ours.'

The Fighter

State of Liberty is turned into a detention center.

"It's from the dog's lawyer. Seems his unconditional love has some conditions."

'Who's watching the watchers?'

"I know, I know, he's like ... 'one of the family,' but I still find it unnerving..."