Principles Devotee Gifts

"Help! My ex-wife... she shot me! It's just a tranquilizer dart, but it's the principle of the thing."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Thomas Hardy

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'What a control freak!'

Church Restoration Fund.

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

One book... One book... One book...

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'You know, sometimes I find it pretty hard to imagine these will be the ‘good old days.''

"I try to get a head start on them."

Give Thanks.

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'Now that's devotion. Two broken arms and still working.'

The Supremes will now ponder Obamacare.

'Boys will be boys, but principals will also be principals!'

"The following problem is not recommended for some viewers, or so our attorneys have advised us to say..."

Adam and Eve: If not satisfied with products for any reason, please expel them from paradise.

John Knox

"I find it difficult to like him. He's too good at being humble."

Man turns into an angel.

Thriller of the Week

'You can't just get up and leave without permission.'

Calvin Coolidge

Yes, I always keep a good cigar. Why don't you smoke 'em?

'Ah, Gerald, weddings are so romantic...'

I've had feedback from litigation...

'Take five -- I need another cold shower.'

'Your teacher says you've been a good boy again! That means you're grounded, young man!!'