Unconventional Partner Gifts

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

"I think it's about time you started thinking outside of the box Harold."

Romance of Radio Astronomy

Office Park

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

"It's amazing. We've just met, but I feel like we've known each other since we were kids, became high school sweethearts, got married too young, had a bunch of brats, went through a messy divorce, reconciled, remarried each other, and are now back together after all these years."

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

Stun-gun target practice.

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

'It will never work. She's touchy-feely, and he is just touchy.'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

'I only do biometric readings now.'

"We met over the holidays."

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"Congratulations. I just need your initials here."

"I can't believe you forgot your death certificate."

"Wow! So that was the bagel setting."

'I like your initiative. You've got the job.'

'You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.'

"I think I should tell you, I once went viral."

"It's your ex-wife's new boyfriend - he says your maintenance payment is late agian, and he wants to discuss his picket money."

'I don't have a dog or a cat. Why do you ask?'

"Been lookin' for love in all the wrong carnivals."

"You don't keep an orgasm diary do you? My last girlfriend kept an orgasm diary."